by Gabriele Gzimailaite


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Recently many bloggers, youtubers and celebrities have been opening up about their mental health issues and it's literally the best thing ever. To know you're not alone. So many people take their lives each year because they just cannot cope anymore and that's why we should be talking about this. We should be asking for help when needed, we shouldn't feel 'ashamed' to be feeling down, depressed or just not being ok. I am one of those people that doesn't talk about their problems. I am super good at listening and even if I meet someone for the first time, they always tell me their life problems and I can be pretty good at advice, but when it comes to me, I find it so hard to open up. Well, I've been trying hard to be more open recently. I talk about how I feel, I tell my friends, I ask for advice, I listen and we discuss. I cannot tell you how much better you feel after talking to someone. Just hearing some words of wisdom from a friend can lift your mood so much. I wish I'd known that sooner. 
I told someone close to me that I've been feeling very low and depressed for the past 6-7months and they said 'What? Noo, you were fine, you were smiling and laughing most days'. Can you see how important it is to open up? Your friends and family might not even detect any signs of depression if you don't tell them. I know how good we can be at hiding it.

It's so important to talk! Please remember this. If you do not have anyone to talk to there are helplines that you can call and I will leave some links and numbers down below. I know some of you probably noticed that I felt down, I said it a few times in my videos and I was just generally not with it. 
I think social media plays a big part in all of this but it was also other factors like the cold weather  and grey days because it was winter, the flat I am living in etc. Actually the flat has been a big issue for me. I have really fallen out of love with it, to the point where I don't even want to tidy it, I don't care, I just don't want to be here. We have been waiting to move for a very long time but we decided to wait for my boyfriend to graduate, because we are moving pretty far from his university. Graduation is next month and we are finally talking about moving, still a few months to go because things just pop up and life happens but we will get there! But now let's talk about social media.

Now as some of you may know, I did a huge giveaway with other bloggers over a year ago and I gained A LOT of followers. I cannot remember the exact amount but it had to be around 20K. It seemed all very fun until the loop giveaways died down and people that followed us started unfollowing. I lost about 4K and that was fine, I thought I'm good. But actually they kept unfollowing  and it got the point about 6 or more months ago that any new followers that would come in would be cancelled out by the ones that leave. So that means my number has been the same for about a year. Let me say this now, I do not care about the number, it doesn't make me more beautiful, more smart or more cool. But it did make me feel like I am standing still, and it just got to me at one point. I thought I am trying so hard, doing so much, uploading beautiful content and nothing is changing. I know some bloggers reading this will relate because this happened to a few girls that I know. Some of them have come out of the 'deep black hole' and finally their accounts are back on track, glowing and growing and they deserve it so much and I am so happy for them! But sometimes seeing everyone do well around you while you are struggling is also something that can lead to depression. You start to question yourself, what's the point in trying, why am I doing this? Once you start doubting yourself and comparing yourself with others around you or on social media, that's where it truly goes down hill. That can be one of the worst things you can do to yourself. I wish I'd known how to stop, but I didn't and I kept putting myself down to the point where I didn't know what I want or who I am anymore and I felt so unhappy. I was becoming the person I would never want to be friends with. So moody, so negative just full of poison like a snake. Everything was adding up inside of me and I was not letting it out. Working from home from a place where I really dislike living was also very tough. When you feel down you want to go home, cuddle up in bed with a cup of tea and watch a nice show, but all I wanted to do was go somewhere which is not home. It was a struggle to be here.

It took me a long time to get out of it. And it only happened recently. I started opening up to my friends, talking about how I feel. Reading more books, watching documentaries. Now you see for other people, they go to work, they talk to colleagues, they don't think about social media like I do. They might spend 30mins on social media in total in one day. 
For me, it's my full time job. I think about it all the time, so I had to find new things to think about to distract myself from my job that I do 24/7. If I'm not doing anything interesting, what else am I going to think about?
Other people think 'How can I be better at my job?' 'How can I get a promotion?' ' Why is my colleague getting a promotion and I'm not?' and us bloggers think 'How can I grow my following' 'How can I increase my engagement' 'Why is that blogger working with that brand and I am not?'.
It's our job, and we think about it just like you think about yours. I think that's absolutely normal until you obsess over it. When you start comparing yourself to someone online, just log off and go enjoy your life because comparison is the thief of joy.

So how did I heal myself? I booked a 9 day trip to Lithuania and it was so good that while I was there I extended my stay by 5 more days. Just being there with friends, eating delicious food that I miss, swimming in the lake, reading books and eating berries at grandmas and hardly every checking my phone really helped me wake up and realise how amazing my life is. Being surrounded by so much nature and best friends everyday was all that I needed. I came back feeling so refreshed and ready to get back on track. I decided I will take one more trip to Lithuania at the end of summer to charge my batteries again haha! 
I won't lie, being away from my phone helped me a lot. I now try to spend more time reading books or taking long walks instead of scrolling on Instagram. I try to meet up with friends more often. I leave the house, sit in a cafe and do my work there. Fresh air, new faces, no distractions. 
I really wanted to share this with you because I think it's very important that you know what happens in real life. Instagram shows the best moments of our lives but I want you to know that we are human too and sometimes we just shut down. It takes time and effort to build yourself up again but you have to take action sooner rather than later. 
Feeling down? Call a friend, read a motivational book, watch a fun movie or the TV show 'This is Us'! You will feel so much better, I promise 

Books to read: The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, The Secret, The Man Who Wanted To Be Happy, You Are a Badass

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