Its so hard to write and put into words what you feel. I never talk about my feelings even in real life. I always say I'm feeling good, fine or great. But I'm not feeling any of those things right now. I always get asked 'how do you do it?'. How do I have time to blog, work part time and study? I always used to say I dont know, I just used to get on with it. But the time has come for my battery to run out of power. I'm so emotionally and physically drained. Even easy things like tidying up at home or going to the gym are becoming really difficult. Well going to the gym is always difficult lol but you know what I mean. Being at work, smiling to customers, making their day a good one is really hard when you are having a bad one. Sometimes it feels like hell. I want to say I'm feeling depressed but I know it's not as serious. It's just weird, I just don't want to do anything anymore. University work is suffering because I can't bring myself to do it, blogging is also suffering and that's why I am here writing this. It's no secret my blogging work has been pretty poor recently. I am sure many of you have noticed the lack of enthusiasm, the lack of interesting posts. I've been feeling like I 'have to' post something to keep you guys interested so that's why I would go and shoot some quick images to fill up my blog. Or a brand would pressure me about a post I promised a few weeks ago and I would post it. But I know that's not what blogging is about. If I'm not enjoying it like I always do that means something is wrong and I need to step away. Atleast for now. Take a break and relax, think of new ideas. I'm not saying I will stop blogging. I will post when I want to but please excuse me for some time if I'm being super slow or you keep checking my blog and there is nothing new for a week. I have 4 weeks before my final deadline at university and then Im finally free. And hopefully I will feel much better, more motivated and happy. I also have a holiday booked about two weeks after university finishes so I think that will make me very happy. Another thing that could be making me feel like this is the weather. I am so sick of the cold. I dont think I will be able to live in the UK in the future. It drives me insane when it's cold and rainy and only 7 degrees at the end of April. Summer is in a month and I am still in my winter jacket. I know this is not something some of you want to read, but I thought you deserve to know what's happening if I don't post for longer periods of time sometimes. I've been also feeling unnatractive lately which is not a great feeling to feel. So obviously shooting outfits and clothes right now is not something I want to do everyday and becomes difficult. It's just getting weird that I am sad more than happy. I wish you knew how hard it is to write this and put it into words exactly what I'm feeling. And how hard it is to share this type of information with so many of you. But I dont want to keep this inside anymore. It's hard. I am quite strong and don't need to talk about things like this. Some people might read this and think how spoilt I am, how ungrateful. I am so happy and grateful for all I have. But doing so many things at once catches up with you. People might think blogging is easy, but it's so not. Thinking of new ideas, interesting content, how to stay interesting is quite tiring. I cannot wait for university to end. I feel like it was one of the worst things I've done in life and I hated the whole journey of it. I will probably do a video or a post about the whole degree after I graduate. I am happy to be the first to have a degree in my family but it was hell to get to this point.
In terms of blogging, I've had some comments that my blog is not interesting like it used to be, it's all fashion, no every day fun. It's always hard to choose between keeping my blog like a diary or just a fashion and lifestyle blog. I know I started writing my blog like it was an open diary with pictures from every day, what I did, what I ate and who I met. But now this is turning into a job and I don't want to have it like a diary anymore. And I haven't written like that for over two years so it doesn't feel normal to post about my every day life . Instagram is a bit more relaxed with posts from every day. Snapchat is very relaxed with silly things and videos. But I know what I'm gonna do. I finally ordered a new lens so that I can film vlogs again. So I will film vlogs for those that want to see what I do daily. And I will keep my blog fashion and lifestyle related. That's what I love and I'm gonna do what I want this time. You just have to be yourself, do what you love, and reach for the stars.