I see these bloggers, their followers growing quicker than you can imagine, and I just constantly have these questions in my head. 'How can I stand out from the rest of the bloggers in the UK?' 'Should I dye my hair a crazy colour?' 'Hmm no, I should stay the way I am' 'Will people like me for who I am? Im just a plain looking brunette'. I can't tell you how many times a week I have these thoughts, like really, how do I stand out? I don't. All these bloggers have nice hair, cool coloured hair, and tattoos. And little old me is too scared of these things. I would absolutely love to dye my hair a ashy white colour. I would. There was a day when I said I'm doing it. But my hair is so weak, if I bleach it I will probably won't have any left! hehe. But you know what, I think I stand out because of who I am. I have a crazy personality, that's one of the things I love about myself. And you know what? This 70 year old granddad in a bar told me so! (just last night lol).
devil child hehe
You know, I often think about a nose job. Well not too much now, but I used to when I was a teenager. I hated my nose. I couldn't even sit facing sideways next to someone, I would always try to face them. I have a long nose, it comes from my dad. (he gives me this nose and then leaves my mother when I'm 3 years old and my sister is a newborn grrrrr!!!!). I am sure we all have things that we really HATE about our selves. Well I hated my nose and my teeth. Funnily enough, I was bullied for my forehead in school! hahaha! I was bullied on social media for never smiling, they would say that I don't have any teeth! lol that's so crazy but I just wouldn't smile in general. In the UK we have free dental treatment until we turn 19, so I was going to an orthodontist. But the thing is, when you make an appointment, you have to wait 6months to be seen by them. The day would finally come, I would go, they would make up some bullshit, and tell me to make another appointment. Another 6 months to wait. Then after waiting all that time, I would go, and they would say 'you have a hole in your tooth, get it fixed and come again'. Another 6 months till the next appointment. I used to leave the orthodontist and cry my eyes out, I have never cried that way for any other thing in my life. I would get home and go straight to bed, and cry myself to sleep, even if it was 1pm and sunny outside! Then finally one day I went there when I was already 18 or 19 and they said 'ohhh we can see that you already had a retainer, we can't give you braces for free. If you want free treatment we would have to do a jaw operation (They would cut my skin, pick it up from my chin up, break my jaw, place it how it needs to be and saw my skin back on.) DOES THAT SOUND NORMAL? God no!!! I cried so much when I left, I never cry in front of doctors. My parents finally said, let's go private. So I found a Lithuanian orthodontist and have been going there to get my braces. I have them off now, and there is still a lot to do. And that requires a lot of money, so I have to wait, and save up. But at least my teeth are straight now. And regarding my nose, I see all these bloggers getting boob jobs and nose jobs, and I have nothing at all bad to say about that. They wouldn't do it for fun you know, we all have things we are unhappy with, and think about it constantly. Like I was with my nose my whole teenage life. But since I got a boyfriend I kind of forget about it. I don't really ever think about it anymore. I am not even scared of someone taking a picture of me from the side. I would love to get a nose job, don't get me wrong. But it would make a big difference and that's what I am kinda scared of. I have a long nose, so obviously they would have to just chop it off. It would be SOOOO noticeable. Plus, do I really want to show 14-15 year old girls that are following me that it's ok to get these things done? Then they grow up looking for things to 'fix' on them selves because we show them that it's ok to do it. And we show them that we can only be beautiful and happy if we get operations done to look good. I don't know, it's a crazy topic that makes my brain hurt. lol Maybe in the future. But I think I am nearly at that stage where I am happy with myself and don't even care about negative comments anymore. I went through so much online bullying when I started blogging because it wasn't 'a thing' in Lithuania, and no one really understood it. People were like 'why are you showing off what you have, and what clothes you buy, you're so stupid and ugly'. It just makes me laugh when someone makes a mean comment now. It doesn't hurt anymore, it just shows what kind of an asshole that person is that left the comment.
Are you still here? Haven't fallen asleep yet? Good. You know what annoys me? That I don't really have a summer.
one of my favourite pictures in my whole life
Sorry for such a long post and thank you if you read it. I just carry so much on my chest sometimes that I just need to write it down. And I want to share it this time. I don't know if you've seen but I entered this competition recently. I didn't want to tell anyone because I feel like if I do, I jinx it and it doesn't happen. But I needed to share the link for likes on my picture so now everyone knows. Basically I think I will be in the semi-finals, because they pick top 12 by the number of likes and I am at number 3 at the moment. And entries close tomorrow. So I'll get to go and shoot an outfit next week with the other girls, that's so fun and I am so thankful if you voted for me. I have been sharing on facebook, asking my friends to share, even my manager shared it! And I even made a competition up so my followers can win things by liking the picture so that really increased the likes too. *edited* Grrr I can see that some people bought the likes on instagram and it makes me so annoyed, anyone could do that... But Im staying true to myself. I mean, you cant really get 2000likes with 600 followers. I wish they checked on this in the competition. But anyway, I don't even want to think about winning. A trip to New York is one of the prizes, and NY is one of the places I've visited that left such a weird feeling inside of me. I miss that city more than I miss any other place I've ever visited. I feel like I've lived there or something, I keep thinking of going but it's just so expensive for a student to plan a trip like that. There are many stylish girls in the competition, and the top 12 are all so different in style, it's going to be tough. I don't know, maybe I won't even make it to the finals, but if I am a semi finalist and I get to meet the team and all the other girls, I will be very happy. That's a great connection in my book to meet the team of Stylist magazine. There is still time to vote, so if you've actually read everything I wrote then please click here , choose 'popular' and like my picture. I remember once a girl I don't know told me, that I was born under a lucky star, let's see if she's right!
Bikini top SO NOIRE